Purpled Gr(a)eys

Smile.

Smile so brightly it blurs the pain

Smile so wide it could swallow the sun

Which is exactly what I’d like to do

Let the earth fall black and silent

For as long as I feel necessary to mourn

Grief is a funny thing

It sucks the emotions you feel from you without compromise

The devil tells me I have no self worth

He’s right, I don’t

The lovers tell me you’ll reappear in time

God, I hope they’re right

Sex mistaken for Love is like iron mistaken for gold

You were never iron but I was always rust

Repression is my go to

Shove it down as deep as it’ll go

Vacuuming shut the pain and the happiness that preceded it

I don’t know how to cope

He’s self destructing

He’s self destruction

I’m self destructing

I’m self destruction

But at least I know what I am and what I want

If I drive full speed in to a wall and then walk away

Will I be able to start fresh

I don’t want to die

I just want to leave you and the memories of this pain behind

Everyone keeps telling me

I’m amazing

I’m kind hearted

I’m attractive

I’m a total catch

I don’t believe a single person when they say it

Not even when you did

Just like you didn’t believe it either

If you believed it then why didn’t you embrace it

Why did you say goodbye

Especially after that night

Remember

You’re the one who said goodbye forever

Not me

You said I wanted distance

When all I ever wanted was you

Not time away

Not space

Not to never see you again

I wanted you

I wanted you with me

I wanted you with me for as long as possible

I wanted to see you daily, nightly, constantly

I hope those blues and pinks will fill you with serenity

I pray they keep you safe even without me

My only regret from that night

Was not grabbing your hand

As you walked away

Your frown touching the ground as you clearly fought back tears

That moment will haunt me for an eternity

Just like your eyes and the joy they brought me

But I guess you’re right

I’m just trying to stay above water

And hope that distance makes your heart grow fonder

And maybe then you can see the world that I’d give you

And maybe then you can see that goodbye was a mistake

Maybe one day we’ll be

Maybe one day our unity will exist outside of my thoughts

And outside of these words

Maybe one day the universe will revolve around us

But for now it’s exactly like you said

I hope you find your happiness with or without me

Goodbye forever